Friday, July 26, 2013

Fuck Life!

Well, I deactivated my facebook account today.
Over the last couple of years I have noticed more and more that those around me merely tolerate my existence. People are nice to an extent and usually polite. However, even the close couple of friends I do have can't stand to be around me for very long. It is probably something to do with my personality, but to be honest I have no fucking clew. I haven't had a date in over 6 years, I haven't had sex in over 3 years. People just don't like being around me unless they need to be. I'm not the guy that people call to hang out, unless they want me to buy the beer or need help with something. Hell even the people I work with everyday, who all sit and have a beer together after work on Saturdays, never ask me to join. The times when I make an effort and bring everybody beer, they grab a beer and scatter away from me. I never considered myself a bad person, but maybe other people do...

So anyway, I deactivated my facebook account today after I noticed somebody I had sent a couple messages to, with a rare response, deleted me from their friends list. Facebook to me was the one place I had left to possibly make a connection or converse with somebody other than something work related. Nobody will engage me in a conversation unless it is to criticize my smoking, tell me I should take better care of my health or lose weight, or ask me to fix something with a computer(which I don't get paid to do.) I do have to admit that a couple people lately have made an effort to be nicer to me... I think partially because I got drunk a few times and posted some really depressing posts on facebook, and somebody saw and just felt sorry for me.  So I shut it down because I found myself sitting here every night leaving it open on one of my monitors with the hope that somebody might actually want to talk to me. And I mean not just being polite and respoding to my messages or feeling sorry for me and trying to give me advice. I don't want pity, I want people to want to talk to me. I want to be on somebody's mind at random and have them want to send me a message. It was always the same couple people that left comments on my posts, but never anything serious.

My mom almost died in my arms a couple weeks back and not even my closest friends asked me how I was feeling. The guys at work were polite and asked how she was doing, but not one person thought to ask how I was doing after having to hold my own mothers limp breathless body in my arms for the second time. I realized then, that I don't have anybody. I had nobody to text, nobody to call except my family. Every where I look I see people being happy with other people. Is it too much to ask that I have one person that might actually think of me? Of course, I get the standard "how are you doing?" daily at work... But I'm pretty sure it's not out of any real curiosity or genuine concern, and more out of concern as to whether my mental state is intact. I can talk to some people in teamspeak that I use to play online games with. But hearing about all of their wives and children is just  as hard anymore as seeing a happy couple and knowing that I might never have that. It's getting to the point that I don't even know what happiness is anymore, or at least what it feels like. I find myself depressed all the time and usually end up making people even more uncomfortable around me.

I get nervous around people anymore. I've gone so long without any genuine interaction aside from my family that I think I'm forgetting how to be around people. Even my family has lost all respect for me. Actually, I don't think there is a single person I know that respects me as a person. I see pity or politeness, but not respect. Even when somebody is asking for my help with something they cannot do on their own, it's like its just expected that I should help them because I'm a lower being or something.

I haven't been feeling well the last few years either. My diabetes has gotten fairly bad, and the migraines I use to get as a kid returned for about the last 4 or 5 years. I was getting about one or two a week, lasting anywhere from 10 hours to 3 days. But the last month or so its been less frequent, and more violent. I have also been having some pretty severe spells of getting light headed. If I move my head too fast, my vision gets blurry and it feels like I'm going to pass out. Doctors  just ignore it when I bring it up to them though because I don't have medical insurance. I also recently found out that my dad's biological mother died from a brain tumor when she was 34.. I'm only 5 years off from that.

So yeah... This is my first post in quite a while so its long and kind of a rant... But I needed to say it somewhere because I can't afford a shrink and facebook is just other people that want to be popular and fuck actual friendship. Although this probably won't even be read by a single person, its more likely that if somebody does read it it will because they chose to and not because they saw it on their news feed. I'm pathetic.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Rectified Laws!

Medical expenses are among the top causes of debt these days, and as a standard I believe they should be regulated. Granted, this would hurt many if not all private insurance providers nation wide. However, in the long run, would stabilize all healthcare related debt.

1. The government shall control all matters related to healthcare finances. Citizen's shall be taxed a relative amount based on income level. Healthcare worker's wages are to be ranked on pay scales determined by the government just like the military.

2. All medically necessary treatment and medicine is covered without cost to the patient. If a patient is in a non-reversible state such being brain dead and kept alive by machine only, the patient's family may elect to pay out of pocket to continue service.

3. Elective procedures are to be paid out of pocket by the patient.

4. A social security card and valid picture identification are required for coverage of services. Non-citizens and foreign visitors are to provide valid proof of insurance, otherwise non-emergency treatment must be paid in advance.

5. Privately owned hospitals and healthcare clinics must follow government standards and will receive appropriate funding based on quarterly audits demonstrating customer base, worker hours, and services provided.

6. All prescription costs by manufacturer are to be regulated by the government at fair value and the cost to be paid by tax money.

-Medicaid and Medicare would no longer be needed and all current funding would join with tax money.

Abortion: and child support
This is a very touchy subject, however most of the controversy is based on emotional or religious beliefs.

1. It is the joint choice of both biological parents, if available, to decide on abortion. If the father is deceased or otherwise unknown, it is the choice of the mother. However, if the father is unknown and cannot be determined by DNA by the time of birth, the mother loses any future right to claim that man as the father unless he so willingly agrees. (slut clause)

2. If the parents cannot agree on a decision together, one parent may give up their parental rights to that child. In which case it is the mother that does not want the child, the matter will be decided as to the relationship of the parents. If the parents are not married, the decision to abort belongs to the mother. If the parents are married and cannot agree, the child will not be aborted unless medical reasons apply. Otherwise, they will have the option for forced divorce. This will give the mother the option to abort. However, as an effect of forced divorce, a mandatory restraining order shall be placed on both parents for one year to ensure separation.

3. If the parents are not married and the father decides on abortion and the mother does not, he shall have the right to sign away all parental rights to that child, before a set time limit during pregnancy. Both preventing him from being apart of that child's life and preventing any future claim from the mother for child support.

4. Child support shall not exceed debt garnishment maximums.To be determined on a semi-annual basis.

- I have seen many times that a father will have to pay an extreme amount just because a judge was a single mother. Also women currently have all the say about abortion and the father gets stuck with child support. We all know it is ultimately up to the woman whether or not to have sex, but the guy always gets blamed.

One of the largest problems with our economic stability is the inequality of wages and how outdated they are. 

1. The government shall adjust the minimum wage based on cost of living annually.

2. The cost of living shall be determined by what it costs for a single person to support himself and a single dependent.

3. Businesses shall not determine pay, raises or promotions based on race, gender, ethnicity or religion.

4. Elected and appointed members of government shall be paid minimum wage for the duration they are in office, and only while in office.
   A. Hours worked will be recorded and made a matter of public record.
   B. All members of government will pay into social security as every other citizen does.
   C. There will be a maximum of two terms of four years or eight years total, for all elected and appointed officials.
   D. Upon leaving office, they will no longer receive government pay.

5. Business executives shall receive no more than 300% their lowest wage earner in annual income,  as a sum of salary and bonuses.

There is a large misconception about the separation of church and state. The First Amendment states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." This does not mean that they do not have to pay taxes. This simply means that the government has no official religion and that they cannot stop you from practicing whatever religion you wish. Religion these days is a business, and a large one at that.

1. All religious buildings and property shall be charged a property tax like any other building.

2. All religious workers wages shall be taxed the same as any other income.

Financial Liability:
Anybody else tired of CEO's bankrupting a company and not being held liable?

1. If a company should file bankruptcy while the executives in charge made a dollar more than the lowest wage earner of the company, the total debt shall be divided relative to the income of the executives in charge and become their personal debt.

Gun Laws:
Guns don't kill people, people do!

1. All firearms shall be registered.

2. In order to obtain or own any firearm, a mandatory mental health exam is to be administered annually.

3. Certain guns shall have permit and training requisites.

4. There will be no limit on magazine capacities.

5. Upon turning 18, all citizen's will be issued a personal protection handgun registered for life.
   A. The firearm is not transferable and the act of selling the government issued firearm is a felony. 
   B. Mandatory training shall be provided at no cost.
   C. Laws will be established governing the removal of firearm rights. (example: violent felonies)


That's all I can think of for now, maybe some more at another time.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


I started this blog a few months ago as a place to post some of my own thoughts and as a place to vent instead of doing it on facebook or the like. As I was setting it up I noticed the monetize tab and figured sure why not. Well I noticed a small amount coming in and was happy, I'm a low wage worker that can always use some extra cash. About a week later I started a second blog for anime reviews, I am a major anime fan! The anime blog took off fairly well and I soon had 2 blogs earning me money and allowing me write about my thoughts and share the anime I have enjoyed. I even decided to buy a domain for the anime site since it was doing well. It is my more successful blog. I started earning even more money and that was awesome. I had read that google had a tendency to arbitrarily ban people for any reason so I created privacy policies, and disclaimers to make sure I was following every rule I could. I monitored my adsense account daily to make sure everything was alright, and well to see how much money I was making. Well, a couple days ago I went to check my account and it said that it was disabled. I checked my email only to see that apparently I was banned for being a risk of invalid activity. This is ridiculous, all of a sudden after about 5 months of writing articles and reviews I am deemed a risk? What exactly has made me a risk? My blogs have drawn followers and i get a few views on this one, and quite a bit on my anime reviews. WTF! Now the money I was expecting at the end of this month, to pay bills, is gone. All because they probably just didn't want to pay. Well, we'll see.... I am in the middle of trying to appeal, wish me luck! From what I have read on the adsense blog comments, its not very likely. I will still post on here even if they screw me, I still need a place to vent after all.

Thursday, January 5, 2012


So yesterday I had the ignition interlock device installed in my car, but it almost didn't happen. The night before my scheduled appointment to have it installed, I found out that my car has a power draw somewhere. Dead battery, nobody had a strong enough battery to jump start my car, and even if it did start it would be dead by morning. I spent a good 6-7hrs reading wiring diagrams and trying to pinpoint the draw, then narrowed it down to the a/c system. Well I pulled power to the entire system and went and bought a battery charger. Oh yeah... I already had a battery charger, but when I turned it on it decided to go ape shit starter throwing sparks everywhere. Anyway, the interlock is now in the car. I have to say though that it is mostly due to myself that it was installed at all. The guy installing it was not the most competent and would constantly stop what he was doing to chat or do stuff for other people.The device is a breathalyzer that must be used before starting your car and intermittently while driving. It takes longer than a standard BA and you also have to suck in at one point during the test. But, if having this in my car will allow me to drve and get my license back sooner, I am more than willing to give it a shot.

Oh Hi, Its me again!

I took my little break for the holidays from this blog, and I am thinking its time get it started up again. However the posts wont be at set intervals. Its pretty much going to be when I get the chance to post that you'll see something. I will be starting on classes here shortly along with some mandatory steps required by the law. So stay tuned and you will get some stuff I find interesting.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Traffic Class

So I just got back from my court mandated, level 1 traffic class. I paid $60 for a one time 8 hour class that was suppose to be about traffic. Well it was interesting to say the least. It started out with pairing off with another person and getting to know some things about them. Well I got paired off with a sexy girl who I couldn't help but flirt with. From there we just had to tell the rest of the class what we learned about the other person and explain what we did to be in the class.And that was the extent of talking about traffic. The rest of the class consisted of learning how to classify people by colors and personalities. And a bit of flirting between the sexy girl and myself. We had took a break from class for an hour long lunch session with which time the sexy girl and myself sat in her car talking. Well come to find out she was only 17.... DAMN IT!!! Why do girls have to look older than they actually are these days?! So disappointed as I was I kept talking with her, because she was a nice person and I didn't want to seem rude. We went back to the class, still kinda chatting to each other. Learned a bunch of more useless stuff that sounded very similar to astrological classifications, and something about logos ethos and pathos, and the butterfly effect. Got my certificate of attendance and watched the girl give her number to another guy... Lesson is, ask for a girls ID before flirting?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Religion is for those with low IQ

I have many different thoughts on this subject. Every day you run into people who base their lives on the belief in God or the bible.

I am a person who needs fact and evidence, which completely contradicts the bible. I need an explanation for why something happened and cannot simply have ‘blind’ faith. I am what is known as agnostic. I want to believe in something but have a hard time accepting anything that would tell me that if I chose to make a single wrong decision based on a book, which was written by a human being, that I will spend an eternity in torment.  First problem with religion is that it is based a book written by man. I think that the bible may be a good source and reference for how to lead our lives, but not something that we should devote our lives to. Times change and what may have been good when the stories happened may be different these days.  The book to me is simply a way to have morals during the trials and tribulations of life.
Second problem is that God created all things in his image and in a matter of seven days. Then tell me how things existed so long before humans.

Third problem is that God supposedly created man with the need for water, then decided to cover the Earth with 71% water, 97.5 % of which is undrinkable.  On top of that, 69% of the water that is consumable is frozen!

Last thing I have to add is that there was once a time for religion. In the days when we could not explain the reasons things happened and when the need to believe in something to explain the unexplained. These days we have science, yes we have always had a form of science but not to the extent that we have now. Nearly everything in existence can or will eventually be explained by it, and blind faith no longer has a place in today’s society.  It is an outdated belief that has been commercialized even beyond what it was when all matters of the state were controlled by the church.

There are many more problems that I have with religion, but I will end this post and possibly continue on at a later time. I do not intend to insult anybody’s beliefs and will say now that you are free to believe how you want, however this is my blog and hence my thoughts. Please feel free to share your thoughts.