Sunday, December 18, 2011

Traffic Class

So I just got back from my court mandated, level 1 traffic class. I paid $60 for a one time 8 hour class that was suppose to be about traffic. Well it was interesting to say the least. It started out with pairing off with another person and getting to know some things about them. Well I got paired off with a sexy girl who I couldn't help but flirt with. From there we just had to tell the rest of the class what we learned about the other person and explain what we did to be in the class.And that was the extent of talking about traffic. The rest of the class consisted of learning how to classify people by colors and personalities. And a bit of flirting between the sexy girl and myself. We had took a break from class for an hour long lunch session with which time the sexy girl and myself sat in her car talking. Well come to find out she was only 17.... DAMN IT!!! Why do girls have to look older than they actually are these days?! So disappointed as I was I kept talking with her, because she was a nice person and I didn't want to seem rude. We went back to the class, still kinda chatting to each other. Learned a bunch of more useless stuff that sounded very similar to astrological classifications, and something about logos ethos and pathos, and the butterfly effect. Got my certificate of attendance and watched the girl give her number to another guy... Lesson is, ask for a girls ID before flirting?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Religion is for those with low IQ

I have many different thoughts on this subject. Every day you run into people who base their lives on the belief in God or the bible.

I am a person who needs fact and evidence, which completely contradicts the bible. I need an explanation for why something happened and cannot simply have ‘blind’ faith. I am what is known as agnostic. I want to believe in something but have a hard time accepting anything that would tell me that if I chose to make a single wrong decision based on a book, which was written by a human being, that I will spend an eternity in torment.  First problem with religion is that it is based a book written by man. I think that the bible may be a good source and reference for how to lead our lives, but not something that we should devote our lives to. Times change and what may have been good when the stories happened may be different these days.  The book to me is simply a way to have morals during the trials and tribulations of life.
Second problem is that God created all things in his image and in a matter of seven days. Then tell me how things existed so long before humans.

Third problem is that God supposedly created man with the need for water, then decided to cover the Earth with 71% water, 97.5 % of which is undrinkable.  On top of that, 69% of the water that is consumable is frozen!

Last thing I have to add is that there was once a time for religion. In the days when we could not explain the reasons things happened and when the need to believe in something to explain the unexplained. These days we have science, yes we have always had a form of science but not to the extent that we have now. Nearly everything in existence can or will eventually be explained by it, and blind faith no longer has a place in today’s society.  It is an outdated belief that has been commercialized even beyond what it was when all matters of the state were controlled by the church.

There are many more problems that I have with religion, but I will end this post and possibly continue on at a later time. I do not intend to insult anybody’s beliefs and will say now that you are free to believe how you want, however this is my blog and hence my thoughts. Please feel free to share your thoughts. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My Computer

32" and 22"(22" has been replaced by a newer model)

So for a long time I was the computer guy of my little group of friends.  I had virtually built my dream build so many times that I knew what was good and what wasn’t. I knew what went well with something else. I knew the right numbers for everything. Then when I got laid off from work I had one last paycheck to buy the computer I had been planning for the prior two or more years. I decided to go with a better price to performance ratio and built and AMD system. At that time the best processor was the Phenom II X4 965 Black Edition. I built my system around this. I bought a decent motherboard at the time, It was a Foxconn A7DA S 3.0. I initially bought 4GB of G.Skill RAM, and went with a nice Zalman pure black pearl nickel plated copper heatsink. I decided to sacrifice directx 11 for a more powerful card when it came to graphics. I bought the Sapphire ATI Radeon  HD 4890 Vapor-X. The Vapor-X is a special cooler design by Sapphire that is basically a block with the same principal as a heat-pipe.  I was very pleased by this card and as a matter of fact I still am. The only other parts I didn’t upgrade and still haven’t were the power supply and the case. I had already had a 700w Apevia PSU and an old Alienware full tower case.  I installed a fresh copy of Windows 7 and overclocked it to 3885 mhz, and was set. Tell me what you think!
Right after build

Needs Cleaned

(All images on "My Computer" post are property of the author)

Monday, November 21, 2011


 Well, I don't know if anybody knows this already, but when a person with diabetes gets high blood sugar for awhile their attitude will tend to change. I'm diabetic and still don't know the exact reasons, but it has something to do with brain chemistry and the amount of blood glucose. Anyway, I have a bad tendency of having mood swings, and completely not being able to suppress my anger and going off on people to being completely chilled out. Its like when somebody says something that normally you would just ignore as it being stupidly annoying, I will tell them that they are a completely idiotic moron who needs to start cutting themselves in a corner because they are a complete drain on society and their very existence brings down the IQ of everybody within a one mile radius by at least 20 points.

So, this week at work I had a customer who had the audacity to start accusing me of ripping him off after I had just given him a $20 product for free. Basically we got into an argument about how he had brought in an item, without a receipt, that was two years old and not working saying how he shouldn't have to pay for an item that didn't work and was only a couple weeks old. I told him that first off the item was not a couple weeks old, it was around 2 years old based off of the labeling and how it is not my fault that he decided to open a product with a shelf life, so long after it had been purchased. I also went on to tell him that our 100% guarantee is 90 days! Yet I still told him that I had just given him what he had fucking asked for, a replacement product even though he did not have even have a receipt. Yes, the item was from our store..... No, it did not work...... Did he buy it within 90 day? NO....

From that point I was about to lose complete control. I was yelling at this guy, and he basically ran out the door calling me a thief as told him to take it up with the owner if he was not satisfied that I had given him something for free.

Rage:  noun \ˈrāj\

 1. a: violent and uncontrolled anger
     b: a fit of violent wrath
     c: archaic : insanity
2: Violent action (as of wind or sea)
3: an intense feeling : Passion

Thursday, November 10, 2011

My Harley

Ok, so I have always been into motorcycles. Ever since I was young and saw my first Harley-Davidson on the street, I wanted one. When I got into high school and got my license I really wanted one, but we were poor and with my job I could barely afford a crappy Ford Probe. Yes, my first car was a 1990 Ford Probe GL, it was bright red and had a manual transmission. Back in high school I loved that car but can't even stand the thought of it anymore. Anyway, I ended up getting my first motorcycle a couple years after I graduated, it was a 1991 Kawasaki ZX600D (Ninja.) I picked it up from a guy I worked with for $500 with no title and not have been running for about 2 years. I got it running but was never able to get it legal and as a result never rode it that much on the streets. A couple years later when I was making better money, had a roommate to help with bills and could afford it, the opportunity arose for me to look at some Harley's. A co-worker at the time had just purchased his 2003 Sportster 100th anniversary edition and was showing it off when I decided, screw this, its time for me to have my Harley. I went down to the local Harley-Davidson dealer to look at some bikes. At this time I didn't know crap about Harley's, I didn't even know anything more than a couple names of them. But I couldn't tell you any differences between them or tell you which was which. When I got there, a salesman automatically saw me and started showing me some of the used bikes. He asked how much I was looking at spending and tried talking me into this ugly yellow Fatboy. Dont get me wrong, it was a very nice bike. However I was not interested in a yellow bike, I wanted a black bike! We kept looking and finally something caught my eye. It was a little smaller than the Fatboy, but it was bigger than the Sportsters the salesman was pointing out. (BTW, if you are even halfway larger than an average female, I would not recommend a Sportster. You might be content for a while but will shortly want something bigger. Having made your initial purchase the wrong decision. Its one thing with bike that cost a little less, but not a Harley. If you are wanting a bike to learn on, I would recommend buy a less expensive bike to start with, then upgrade.) It was a Dyna Super Glide, Not the fanciest bike but it had a good design and I saw potential!

Stock Photo 2006 H-D FXDI
 The first thing I did was buy a new seat and passenger pegs, so that I could give people rides. From there I decided to change the handle bars, the stock bars were comfortable to ride with but I didn't exactly like the look. I changed them out for some drag bars. This changed the look of the bike for the better. Next was the rear shocks, I threw on some lowered progressive shocks that gave the bike a better center of gravity and more aggressive feel.
Next was the exhaust system. The stock Harley exhaust system is built for a near whisper quiet sound and that had to go! I wanted my bike to rumble like a Harley should. I decided on a down sweeping short pipe by Vance&Hines called the Sideshots. Thats what I left it at for a while, adding small things here and there like some tear drop mirrors by Arlen Ness.

In 2008 I had an accident and the bike was nearly totaled. At that time I worked for the dealership I had purchased the bike from, and they hooked me up with my employee discount on the repairs. I ended up getting all new 2009 parts for the bike, including the Street Bob short rear fender and sparto tail light. The speedometer was also updated to include the 6th gear indicator and clock. I also put some of my own money into it and bought an underdrive pulley for the belt drive. The tech hooked me up with a Softail outer primary black cover and black forward controls. He got the same style handle bar setup, only he replaced all the chrome with black per my request. The exhaust was also replaced with black heat shield setup and baffles removed for an even aggressive sound. In the end, I was very satisfied with the end result!

Current Look!

I have had my Harley now for a little over 5 years and have enjoyed every minute of it!

(All images on "My Harley" post are property of the author except for the stock image of 2006 Harley FXDI)

Monday, November 7, 2011

Pile up in the UK

I was looking through some world news and came across this. Is it bad that the only thing I really cared about is the fact that the UK apparently uses miles per hour instead of kilometers per hour. Listen to the news broadcaster about 2/3rds the way in talking about the possible switch to 80 mph.

Monday, October 31, 2011

How I Lost Over 100lbs

I’m sure most of you that are reading this have thought to yourself about needing to lose weight at one point or another in your lifetime. If not, you almost definitely know somebody that has!  It’s getting to be more and more common place these days to be overweight. Everywhere you look, there are people wearing clothes that are too tight, and magazines that tell us we need to be thin. Centuries ago it was considered a position of stature to be overweight. It meant that you had the money and ability to eat whatever you wanted.  However In these days we understand that it is wrought with many health issues and society has made the overweight a sort of hindrance to even look at. I am writing this to those who have problems with their weight, and want to try something different. I do not guaranty anything except that it worked for me.

I have always had a problem with my weight. I first started noticing when I was in the third grade. I remember because we were learning about the gravity on the moon and we had to all go to the front of the class and weigh ourselves to find out what we would weigh on the moon. I was only eight years old and I weighed 105lbs! It just got worse from there… Over the years I put on many, many more pounds. I developed self-esteem issues from it which both hampered my social life and got me into many fights. I didn’t know how to lose weight; I just knew that I wanted to. It wasn’t until high school that I actually started developing very severe depression and started to look into everything about losing my extra pounds. The problem was that I still wasn’t motivated enough to force myself into any set plan. In my senior year of high school I weighed 325lbs! Towards graduation time I started getting sick and all around just feeling like crap. I was always dehydrated, I never had any energy, and could never get enough sleep. Finally, one weekend it got to the point that I was so dehydrated that my tongue actually spilt open. No amount of water could quench my thirst. I was drinking around 4-5 Gallons of water a day, but nothing helped. I was also urinating every five minutes because of all the water. My family noticed and took me to the ER. When I got there, the first thing they asked was if I was diabetic. At this point in my life, I had heard of diabetes but had no idea what it was. Of course I told them that I wasn’t. At that point they tested my blood sugar anyway; all they told me was that it was over 1000. Later the docs told me it was the highest this hospital had ever seen anybody have and still be conscious. Well let me tell you that suddenly being diagnosed with a life threatening disease will make you get serious about controlling your diet and losing weight.

At first it wasn’t even about losing weight. I completely changed the way I ate. If you’re not familiar with the way diabetic’s look at food, here it is. We see a plate of food and instant start considering how many carbohydrates it has. At first it takes a little learning, but you get to the point that you can look at something and judge the numbers. The reason diabetic’s count carbs is not for losing weight. Carbohydrates metabolize into sugar, and sugar is what is not processed correctly by our bodies. It’s not just the sugar contents of something, but everything under that carbohydrate classification. Eventually you even begin learning which type of carbs digest and absorb into your faster than others. After about 3 months of doing this, I noticed that I had lost quite a bit of weight. I had lost nearly 40lbs. I got a job remodeling a local Wal-Mart, which was a very physical job. After about two more months I had lost another 30lbs. At this point the amount of walking I was doing was around 10 miles a day on the job. I started adding a lot of Calisthenics to my daily life. Calisthenics are basically a type of aerobic exercise using your body weight, like push-ups, sit ups, pull ups, etc. This got me down to 195lbs within that first year. I maintained this weight for a while, until I started doing some weight lifting. I put on about 20lbs after that.
Its been nearly 9 years now and I have almost completely stopped working out. I no longer have a job that is physical; I stand around all day… BUT I still maintain my diet. This has allowed me to only gain back a minimal amount of my weight. I now weigh around 225lbs. We all know that maintaining your weight is the hardest part. Well this has worked for me and It might work for you. If it does, you’re welcome. If not… you probably at least got in a little better shape in the process of trying. 

BTW... This is Awesome!
BTW... This is Awesome!

Friday, October 28, 2011


I have always been intrigued by gambling. Whether its cards or dice, it didn’t really matter. I have always been a big fan of Craps though… It started back in high school, I was in a level 4 german class and had to write a demonstration speech about something.  I’m sure you have guessed by now that chose to do it on how to play craps. Let me tell you first off that teaching somebody how to play craps is hard enough when you your speaking their native language. It was even harder when nobody understood the terminology in a different language. I made a poster board replica of a Craps table and learned all the german words for how to play. Now you might be thinking that Craps is a fairly simple game, and you would be correct. However, when somebody has never played before, there are many rules to learn. When you’re speaking words that the teacher is having problems following, you know you got in over your head. It turned out alright and I received a very respectable grade, but it furthered my love of the game at the same time. Although after that I didn’t play it again until a few years later when I started drinking with a few coworkers. We worked the overnight shift and would go by the liquor store almost every day. One day one of my friends suggested that we play some dice, but I wasn’t sure what he meant. Then he started to explain and I realized he was talking about Craps. We would each get $20 in ones and play one on one, each throwing a dollar per bet. It went fast, but it was fun. We then started going to the dog track and drinking some MD20/20 in the car before going inside to bet with the local sheriffs. 

I have also always been very interested in cards. It also started back in high school. I would be bored before school because I got there very early, so I would play solitaire in the commons area. Eventually other people that were there started playing cards with me. We would play all kinds of games, but my favorite was Texas Holdem. I eventually learned how to stack a deck, bottom deal, and make it so I couldn’t lose. I was able to shuffle a deck of cards and make it so that all the aces would end up on the bottom of the deck so that I could give them to myself. This went on for quite awhile until the school didn’t allow us to play cards anymore. After that I didn’t gamble much, and have only ever been to one casino. But every now and then I will try some online poker  and eight times out of ten I will win. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Money $

I have always been interested in money!!! Who hasn’t right? I see people every day who complain about not having any but then go and spend $200-$1000 on stupid shit. There was a point in my life when I felt comfortable; I wasn't loaded but comfortable... I worked for a big name retailer, and had earned my pay increases to the point that I usually had money in my wallet. I had a retirement account and stocks in the company, I even talked with a few brokerage firms about possible investment. I had enough money to get my Harley, and even had my own two bedroom apartment. Then I got the smart idea to try something that I wanted to do on the side. It didn't pay much at all, but I wanted to do it. The problem started when both jobs resented the fact that I wasn't content with just working for one of them. They both wanted me all to themselves. Don't get me wrong, I was happy that they both wanted me. Finally one of them had enough and asked me to leave. They didn't fire me, but politely asked me to leave before they had no choice but to fire me. Here is where the money problems started, the company that asked me to leave was the one that actually paid my bills. I had to cash out my retirement fund, at a huge penalty! I sold my stocks in the company, and got a roommate. I tried to sell the Harley but owed more than anybody would pay. I eventually went to full time at the other job and started getting commission and better pay. Then in 2008 our country began going through its little economic crisis. I survived the first wave of layoffs that September, but in December I was laid off. The company was very good about it, even telling me exactly what I needed to do to get on unemployment. I got on unemployment and looked my ass off for a job. Over a nearly two year period I place hundreds of applications and sent out as many resumes. During that time I only received two interviews. I finally landed a job, not well paying, but its work. I have gotten a few raises since I have been here and now would like to look toward my future again. I have been checking out all the things I used to have, like stocks and a retirement plan. But unfortunately my boss doesn't even offer health insurance, let alone any kind of future options. I guess my only choice is to look for it on my own and start small. I was thinking about some of the online trading sites, and possibly a non-job related retirement account. What do you guys think? Any advice for me?

Sunday, October 23, 2011


So I have been contemplating getting a new phone for a while, but can't decide on anything. I have been a T-mobile customer for years now, but have looked at the others as well. My biggest problem is deciding whether or not to get a smart phone. I have been contemplating it for years now, the decision to get a phone that I can use to get on the internet and check my emails and other shit, or continue to just use my regular cell phone. It may seem common place to have a smart phone anymore but I have always refused to pay double the cost of my phone bill, to be able to get on the internet when I'm not at a computer. Which is pretty much only on my drive to and from work. I have a very nice computer at home and fairly decent internet speed, and multiple computers with business class internet at work. So I still have a problem with getting a smartphone and paying for the data plan. I would prefer to just keep my current plan and get a new phone, the problem is the lack of phones that don't require the data plan. So do I just use this phone until I have no choice, or get rid of my cell all together? I only really use my phone when I'm not at home. Its pretty much just for those moments when you need a phone right at that moment. But anymore everybody has a hone and it really isn't that hard to just ask somebody to use their phone.... The only other thing I use my phone for is text messages and pictures. I have to admit I would rather send a text then call somebody, and I would miss being able to do so. Also having the camera at hand in those situations where you just want to preserve a moment in time(like a game of strip quarters) is very nice.

What do you guys think? Do you think its ridiculous that its getting to the point to where you can't even just have a phone anymore? And how about that the smart phones REQUIRE a data plan to even be able to use it on a network?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Very Good Friend!

I almost lost a very good friend this weekend. His name is Rocco, and he is a 100lb black lab pit bull mix. He is a very protective and territorial dog, yet he is not aggressive. My family are disabled and have difficulty with him. He usually will pull them over if they try to walk him. But other than that he is very loving and playful. He is about 4 years old and still acts like a pup. Although he has calmed down quite a bit since he was a pup(with my assistance.) I did a lot of the basic training for him like sit, lay down, stay, come, etc. I was just not available to train him with walking and playing with other dogs. Once he sees a leash he goes crazy and becomes very hyper. He loves being outside but I work and my family are all disabled and have trouble taking him outside. A couple months ago my brother was walking him and stopped to pick up his mess, when he saw a chihuahua. Rocco thought he was a toy and ran up to the dog and picked him up in his mouth and shook him like one of his chew toys. We all agreed to the owners that we would take care of it but then they started harassing my parents to the extent that I had to call the cops from work because I couldn't leave. It had started with repeated calls wanting money for pain pills for the dog, but then the wife came over and told my mom that if they didn't get some money right away that my parent would have to deal with her husband. Who the fuck threaten two disabled people? At that point we decided to go get a copy of the bill and report from the vet they took their dog to. According to the vet, the only thing that was wrong with the chihuahua was a scratch. And that the vet had already given them enough pain pills to last several days. A that point we decided they could go fuck themselves. They took us to court and so far all that has happen is a mediation, but during that mediation the couple lied various times including saying that they had special permission, from management where we live, to leave their dog unattended outside. (the dog was unattended when our dog went at him.) From there my family has been real nervous about Rocco being "aggressive" and on Sunday decided to surrender him to the local humane society. I was very pissed off.and told my family that they disgust me and that I was glad that I never acted out when I was growing up or who knows where I would have ended up. Granted that this was very harsh, but I was pissed, sad, disgusted, and drunk! The next day My blood sugar was pretty messed up and I slept til late in the evening, only to wake up to Rocco being home. They had decided that he didn't deserve to be put down and agreed to actually put an effort into training him.

Friday, October 14, 2011

School Or Not

I've been trying to decide on whether or not to go back to school for quite a long time now. Its been over 8 years since high school, and I could definitely use a better paying job. However, I've never really had a set thing that I wanted to do as a career. Back in junior high I wanted to be an artist. I had many art class and even had some of it feature on display in places. I was never a really creative artist, I was just really good at seeing something and recreating it on paper, or some other medium. The teacers said it had to do with being a left brain or right brain person. From what they said, one draws from imagination and the other draws a line to an exact degree. I can't remember which is which though. Later on in the early years of high school, I had wanted to become an architect. To me it was like being an artist who uses the same thinking as I used. I have also always been good with numbers and designing. I had looked into many schools, however always knew that I would never be able to attend any decent schools. We grew up poor, and I mean very poor! I looked into grants, loans, and scholarships but didn't qualify for anything but the grants. Finally by the time I was in my senior year of high school, I had decided that I wanted to go to school for mechanical engineering. I checked around and looked at tuition costs, then realized I was even worse off than with architecture. The thing was that I REALLY wanted to go to school for this. While trying to find a low cost education in this field, a random internet search brought up a local school for becoming an automobile mechanic. I looked into it and thought that it was close to the idea(after thought was that I was out of my mind.) I enrolled in that school, got my grants and even a small scholarship(very small) and was set to go to school. Then I graduated and realized that I might be able to afford the tuition but not living there. I had left my job before my senior year and was not able to find anther that would work with my school schedule. So I was unable to save up the move and a few months rent and living expenses. So I had to call the school and tell them the situation and that I would not be attending. Since then I have been working, working, and working some more. All the while with the thought of trying to go back to school. I would still love to learn mechanical engineering, but I still have the problem of money. I even qualify for less than I did back then. I am very proficient with computers even though being self taught. So my friends suggested I go to school for that at the local community college, and for awhile I thought I was going to do that. But for as much as I love messing around with computers, I really dont want to go to school for it. At this point if I go to school its either going to be for mechanical engineering or nothing! Hope you enjoyed my rant!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Great Weekend!

This weekend started out like many others, having to go in to work on a Saturday. Then I was just sitting at home messing around on the internet, getting car insurance quotes. Yes after a summer of riding the Harley, Winter is here and its time to get the car legal to drive again. That means insurance and plates, which are going to cost me more than my car is worth. But it has to be done.... Well anyway back to my great weekend... Later on that night around 8 or so I got a call from a friend to come drink... All I said was "you buying?" and he said "its already here!" Alright, time to drink! Then I remembered that his old lady's birthday was a couple days away, all the better to have more fun. The night started out talking with everybody for about a half hour or so, but then we decided to play quarters. For those that don't know what that is, its a drinking game with the objective of bouncing a quarter into a shot glass and if you make it you get to decide on somebody to drink and how many drinks they have to take. Well lets just say that you end up getting pretty drunk. After enough people had given up on the game it got a lot more interesting! A couple girls at the party were getting kinda frisky, so all the guys wanted to see them make out. Well, they were a little hesitant to act. So we decided to play a game of strip quarters! With the rules being that if you make the quarter in the shot glass, you get to decide on a piece of clothing that somebody took off. Lets just say that it is a bad idea to challenge guys to this kind of contest when they want to see some flesh ;)... Everything went great, girls ended up losing and took off everything except their panties. So instead of taking them off they agreed to make out! Like I said, GREAT weekend! Friends, beer, fun and titties!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


DAMMIT! Well I am going to court Again on Thursday. Oh BTW sorry for the hiatus, I have been distracted by quite a few things lately. First I have been trying to get my car(’88 Acura legend) in working condition for winter. Started by changing the starter, which is normally no problem except that the moron who last changed it cross threaded one of the mounting bolts into the aluminum block. Then I moved on to re-sealing the oil pan…. Normally a simple task…. Not so much! First a frame cross member, with a transmission stabilizer on it had to be removed, not difficult just 8 bolts. However make sure not to allow it to bend out of shape. Next came the exhaust, my exhaust happens to wrap very tightly to the oil pan. This took a good amount of PB Blaster, anyway I got the exhaust out of the way and removed the 20 oil pan bolts, got the pan off and spent about an hour and a half cleaning old RTV off the pan and block. Put some new RTV on, hand tightened the bolts then an hour later put another half turn on them and let the car sit for about 36 hours… Problem is I forgot to go back and do a final tighten….. lol dumbass… needless to say my oil is currently still leaking until I can get everything torn back apart and put a final torque on the bolts. Also changed some simple items like the plugs, pcv, and fuel filter. Normally you don’t really hear people complain about a fuel filter… well on a 23 yar old fuel line using a flare fitting, it’s a little more difficult. Normally I would say to cut the end off the line, put a new flare and a new inline bolt… well I don’t currently have a line cutter, flare tool or the correct bolt available… go figure… SO after using a file to put all new edges on the bolt, I decided to try using an O-ring to seal the old flare… IT WORKED for now lol, lets hope it withstands both the fuel and pressure!
            Next came the problems with being out of multiple prescriptions. Bing out of either of the two is bad, but being out of both was terrible. I was without my thyroid medicine for two weeks, and drastically low on one of my insulins for about a week. Not that I was just being lazy or anything, my docs just happen to think that it is there decision to allow me to nearly die rather than write me a refill. So I had to dish out even more money for a Dr. visit and blood tests. Then it took all weekend to get my prescriptions in… Damn pharmacy only being open Mon-Fri 1pm-5pm.
            Also is the part that I am being sued by a collection agency for when I almost died a couple years ago. Apparently I owe these guys around $3500 and $1000 of it is interest!!! How the hell do you charge that much interest in less than 3 years? I was on a low income care program at the time of being in the hospital and was told that I was covered. Turns out that I was only covered for the hospital stay, not the radiology, the ER, or any other separate charges from within the same building…. At least they didn’t charge me the full ridiculous cost of their food… I think I remember seeing the bill say something like $1500+ for the food on a three day stay… I don’t spend that much in four months by myself!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Bad Day! Always Back up your files DAMMIT!

The day started out bad enough having a migraine... Then I get out of bed to slam my foot into my toolbox that happened to be sitting next to my bed instead of where it was suppose to be. Then I realize that my back isn't just sore, its my kidneys hurting. Well I end up spending the day in the hospital only to be told that there best guess is that it was a mild case of ketoacidosis. I get home to find a few missed calls and an upset voicemail from my boss, which made me realize I forgot to call him this morning. Well it got even worse when I turned my computer on... MY DAMN HARD DRIVE FRIED!!!!!! Hundreds of Movies, TV shows, Anime, Music... ALL GONE! At least my music was backed up to an external, however I lost over a terabyte worth of video! I always tell people to back up whats important, I just happened to not have enough money to buy another hard drive large enough to back it all up. I might try online back up now... not sure on the pricing though.... I've seen a lot of different ones out there, just been hesitant to use them for personal media. Any recommendations?

Thursday, September 1, 2011


First comes the thirst, a thirst so bad that no amount of water can
quench it. You'll drink a glass of water and for a slight moment feel
satisfied, then its gone. You find yourself drinking so much water that
you can't possibly drink any more. It feels like you ate both
Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner's on the same day. Well then you
start peeing like you cant hold your bladder. Every few minutes your in
the bathroom. And these are the easy things to deal with. After a while
you start feeling tired for no reason, just finding it hard to keep
your eyes open during the day. Slowly your senses grow feint, for me it
starts with my sense of taste. As I become more and more dehydrated
(despite the water intake.)  Then I start to feel the muscle aches,
they start as if you had worked out pretty hard a few days ago they're
almost healed. But it soon turns into a full body muscle cramp. Anybody
who has felt the effects of lactic acidosis from working out too much
can take a small sense of the feeling. Now hopefully by this point you
have gone to the hospital! It will depend on how fast the symptoms
occur. Sometimes its over a few days, sometimes a few hours. I myself
have gone far past this point unfortunately. When I was first diagnosed
with diabetes, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was barely
conscious(but was on my own feet,) my tongue was split open from
dehydration, and I was in severe pain. It turned out that my blood
sugar was over 1000. The local hospital said it was the highest they
have ever seen with the person still conscious and not in a coma. A
normal blood sugar is between 80-120. After
a few days in there I went back to school to finish up my senior year
of high school. It took nearly a month for test results to come back
telling me that I was a type 1 that would have to take 5 shots a day
for the rest of my life.  Oh well, I dealt. There were a couple other
times I was hospitalized with ketoacidosis. One being almost three
years ago now. I had just been laid off from working at the local
Harley-Davidson dealership due to the economy, when I started feeling
some mind acidosis. I compensated with insulin(so I thought) and my
blood sugar numbers were in the low 200's. Then I started getting pains
in my lower back, my kidneys. I thought I must have just slept wrong.
That is until the next day when I couldn't even lay down in bed without
severe pain. So I had my brother take me to the hospital. It turns out
that I was basically dead.... still walked in on my own, at least to
the entrance. Apparently my kidneys had both shutdown and the doctors
didn't think I was going to make it through the night. I don't really
remember much but was told that both friends and family came to say
their goodbyes. Well needless to say, I didn't die.... I woke up late
that night with a terrible urge to pee.  I swung my leg over the side
of the bed, very delirious, then noticed that i had multiple IV's and
can just remember when I looked down thinking to myself "Thats my
junk.... What the hell? Where are my boxers?" Apparently the doctors
told my family to take all of my clothes home because I wasn't going to
make it through the night. Two days later I was out and still feeling
so shitty that I didn't even drive my own car(if you know me that
doesn't happen.) Anyway, three more months went by without incident
until I got some kind of mystery infection, no idea where or what, that
cased another bout of ketoacidosis. This time I spent about 14 hours in
the ICU before I made them release me. What kind of doctor tells you
that you have an infection strong enough to bring on ketoacidosis, yet
at the same time can't find it and wont put you on any antibiotics for
it? Now I tell people that unless I'm unconscious, I will not go to a
hospital for myself! Pretty bad huh?

Monday, August 29, 2011


I look around and see happiness. Everybody has it, they look into the eyes of the ones they love. Even if they don't see it themselves, I see it. I see the love people have for one another. Everything from an annoyed look to a slight touch on the shoulder. It all shows a trust and understanding that they have for each other. Its a beautiful thing, the happiness. It creates a better life, it's what allows us to have dreams and aspirations. Its what brings us up when we are down, those around us sharing their love and happiness. I can see this in so many people, yet for all my seeing I cannot see it for myself.

Friday, August 26, 2011


To see it at first glance, the slight look out of the corner of your eye. A feint loss of breath without meaning, and then a pounding in the chest. A nervousness kicks in and then a panic. Why this feeling? Why now? A connection with someone that you've never seen before. An unseen understanding of what might be. A future in the blink of an eye. Is it real or just an illusion created by the mind and heart?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Sight unseen

Every day I look around at the world in contemplation of what is, what is to come, and what might have been. A choice made that could have been different. That if made the correct way could have led to a great future, with limitless possibilities. However if made in that particular way could have also led to a hated life, perhaps prosperous... yet hated. The choices made on a daily basis have created an endless loop of what ifs and regrets. How we cope with the regrets or deny that we have any are what can determine the best outcome for the future. Can we see what is in the present, or are we blind to the now and only observant of what we want for our future? Do our hopes and dreams blind us to what is needed? Or can we avoid the endless loop of torment that haunts those of us who dream? I have dreams of the future that will most likely never come, but always seem to block the here and now. The actions taken in the present are influenced by the future. A fluid reactive time that creates a living hell. Every action taken for the future, yet at the same time causes the future to never exist.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I don't know why I try to change my personality, I am who I am... if you wanna laugh at me or be annoyed with me... why be my friends in the first place? Here's me: depressed, lonely, control freak, think I'm smarter than you before I know you and typically know I am after I know you(this may sound arrogant but I'm actually quite self-loathing,) I know what I want in order to be happy but realize that I will almost never have it. YES.. most of these traits are why I'm lonely and depressed but oh well.. that's me take it or leave it! P.S. I LOVE BEER!!!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Broke Or Broken

Feeling a little melancholic tonight.....
Ever since I made the decision to leave my decent paying job for a job I wanted to work, I have been struggling to even live my life. First I was forced to move back with my family, which was embarrassing enough. I tried my best to earn enough money to get back on my feet. But things rarely work the way we want. The extra work caused me to rely on extra help to give myself energy. However being diabetic, it caused my kidneys to shut down. My family was told that I wasn't going to make it through the night. I pulled through and had the realization that I had just been laid off from all my work two days prior to being hospitalized. I was thrown even deeper into the depths of a pit of regression. To go from being completely self sufficient and never needing anything from anybody, to having to rely on everybody for the most basic of necessities. It took two years to find work after that. I have been working at my current job for nearly a year now, yet still feel like I am stuck swimming against the tide. I make an attempt to help myself and pull myself even further back at the same time. I cannot even attempt anything close to a relationship. How is a broke man who can barely afford to feed himself, take a girl on a date? How am I suppose to be intimate with her while I live with "mommy"?  I am a broken man... Struggling day to day to find what I can to keep going. As it is I am living for the next day hoping that it will be better than the current one.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Nothing like a night of fun, food, and drinks right? WRONG! Well its starts out fun. A night with a bunch of friends that are more like family, some BBQ, and some beer. Enjoying the night and laughing at each other. Everything is fine until you have a drink too much and take offense to something somebody says. You try to ignore it, and ignore it, and ignore it again.... Then you get pissed over something stupid, that isn't really what you're upset about. Just a culmination of events that made you finally snap. Every little word eats at you to the point that somebody merely asking you if you want another beer is an insult. A rage builds up in your mind, creating false situations that might clarify the reasons for things that don't even matter. Thoughts like.... has it always been this way? or, am I just a tool to arise their humor? So you leave in the midst of a blinding rage that you can't explain. Lets just say, its not a good idea to leave that situation. Let alone get on your Harley and decide to do twice the speed limit through curving roads. Even if you think you are fine to drive, the cops don't. And going that speed is sure to attract their attention. Needless to say you will probably get arrested like I did, spend a few hours in jail, and end up with a crap load of fines. The only upside is that you might end up meeting a sexy little 20 year that got arrested for the same thing. Like I did... OR you might just meet a big black dude that walks with a waddle and cant bend his elbows cause his muscles are too big. A guy the booking officers kindly refer to as Bubba!