Friday, August 19, 2011

Broke Or Broken

Feeling a little melancholic tonight.....
Ever since I made the decision to leave my decent paying job for a job I wanted to work, I have been struggling to even live my life. First I was forced to move back with my family, which was embarrassing enough. I tried my best to earn enough money to get back on my feet. But things rarely work the way we want. The extra work caused me to rely on extra help to give myself energy. However being diabetic, it caused my kidneys to shut down. My family was told that I wasn't going to make it through the night. I pulled through and had the realization that I had just been laid off from all my work two days prior to being hospitalized. I was thrown even deeper into the depths of a pit of regression. To go from being completely self sufficient and never needing anything from anybody, to having to rely on everybody for the most basic of necessities. It took two years to find work after that. I have been working at my current job for nearly a year now, yet still feel like I am stuck swimming against the tide. I make an attempt to help myself and pull myself even further back at the same time. I cannot even attempt anything close to a relationship. How is a broke man who can barely afford to feed himself, take a girl on a date? How am I suppose to be intimate with her while I live with "mommy"?  I am a broken man... Struggling day to day to find what I can to keep going. As it is I am living for the next day hoping that it will be better than the current one.

No comments:

Post a Comment